I am Sawada Tsunayoshi
by ForeverBlackSun
Summary: Death, life, pain, happiness. Weak but strong. Alive but not living. Being but not being. He was the sky. He was Sawada Tsunayoshi. A series of one-shots about Tsuna and his family, all angsty. Some may contain AU.
1. Chapter 1

I smile because others can't.

I live because others won't.

I keep walking forward because others stay behind.

I become brave for the ones that never can.

I kill for those who should stay innocent.

I protect those who want to hide.

I stay for those that need someone.

I eat because others aren't.

I speak for those who wish they could.

I fight for those who cannot do so for themselves.

I am the sky.

_I am Sawada Tsunayoshi._


	2. Blood

_Blood. Blood. THERE WAS BLOOD. THERE WAS BLOOD EVERYWHERE._

_Splattering all over, on his hands, his suit, his face._

_Brown eyes widened in horror before gloved and bloody hands reached up to grab spiky brown locks._

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

He woke up, a cold sweat drenching his body as he panted heavily, eyes wide and clear. He wrapped his arms around his knees, rocking back and forth, gasping and whimpering. He sobbed, a sound of pure grief and sorrow, tears pouring out of his eyes.

Footsteps were heard before the door creaked open and he looked up, terrified and trembling. The figure walked towards the bed, hands reaching out. Strong arms wrapped around his lithe figure, supporting him. He sobbed loudly before hiding his face into their chest. Comforting fingers rubbed his back in circles, whispering into his ear. "Shh, it'll be fine. Shh. Stop crying. Its okay, you have me. I'm here, Tsuna. I'm here."

His wails got even louder as possible, and then he gave a cry only possible from a beast. It was a howl, full of things no one would understand, and all the anger, pain, and sadness he felt. It was a cry for help.

"I know, Tsuna. I know."


	3. HateLove Relationship

He hated him.

He hated his stupid smirk whenever he got an idea for torturing him.

He hated his stupid nickname he used whenever talking to him.

He hated his stupid green gun that shot him daily.

He hated his stupid chameleon he always carried around.

He hated his horrible disguises that never fooled him.

He hated his ability to take everything on, to be the best.

He hated his stupid arrogance that never managed to shrink.

He hated his stupid coal eyes that followed him everywhere.

He hated his stupid suits that he always kept pressed and clean, shooting anyone who touched them.

He hated his stupid father for sending him.

He hated Gokudera treating him like a God.

He hated Yamamoto for being the first to know about the curse.

He hated Hibari for being the first one to gain his respect.

He hated Onii-san for being trained by him just because he was his Sun.

He hated that stupid man so much.

But most of all, he hated himself for falling in love with a man he wasn't allowed to.


	4. The Rain's Fall

Okay, so recently I've had some pent up frustrations so I wrote these three new chapters in a hurry to let it all out. My Yamamoto in this story might be a bit OOC, but I hope you understand why. Death is a horrible thing, an makes even the strongest of people break, so in this he might be different than what you'd expect, but if it's all the same to you, I'd like you to read and leave me your thoughts. And thanks to my one reviewer who actually checked this story out and the 6 following it! Here's more for you to read! I hope you enjoy.

* * *

"No," he said, stepping back as amber eyes widened. "No! You're lying! This is a joke, right? You're all just playing a joke on me, right?!" He laughed, the sound filled with insanity and insecurity.

"Takeshi," Tsuna reached out, eyes worried and nervous.

"I SAID NO!"

He had slapped the hand away, the look in his eyes now one of blazing anger and pain.

"This is all your fault! You're the reason this happened! It's because of you that my dad's dead! If you'd never existed, he'd still be alive right now. Because of you, I lost everything! I gave up baseball and fought for you! And look what I got in return! I'm sick of this, I'm sick of _you_ and I can't stand to see your face anymore. I'm leaving. I'm not your Guardian anymore. Go look for someone else's life to screw up you sick bastard." And, throwing his ring at Tsuna, he stormed off, not once looking back.

"Hello? Bossu?" Chrome's head popped up from behind the door, a questioning look on her face. Scanning the room and seeing him, a smile grew onto her face. However, he hadn't replied. Worried, she studied him. His face was hidden away behind his hair, and his hand was gripping something tightly.

"Bossu?"

His head snapped up, and he smiled when he saw Chrome. He tucked the object he had been holding earlier, about to put it in his pocket before he thought better of it. He placed it in the left pocket of his suit's jacket, patting it. "Sorry about that, Chrome. I was just busy thinking."

She nodded, looking strangely at his left breast pocket before shrugging it off. He asked her why she had been looking for him, and her face brightened. "Mukuro-sama has news about the Millefiore that he thinks may help us!"

An unknown expression crossed his face for a fleeting moment as he muttered, "Millefiore, huh?" It passed quickly though, making her wonder whether it had happened at all. He nodded, the smile on his back again, and told her he'd be there in 5 minutes. She left, looking back on him for a bit before walking off to tell the others.

Tsuna sighed, eyes staring sadly at his hands, before smiling a heartbreakingly sad and understanding smile. He inhaled deeply, forcing every ounce of strength in his body to move. At least this would make it easier for him to do this. Walking into his office, he sat down on his chair, that same smile still on his face. He almost laughed at the irony. After all, he had a meeting to attend.

"Hey! Where's that baseball idiot now?! We're supposed to be discussing plans about the Millefiore! He should be here!"

Tsuna sighed, looking at Hayato carefully before smiling brightly. "It's okay, Gokudera. He came in earlier but I needed him to go on another mission for me. I didn't know this was going to happen. I'm sorry for not checking in with Mukuro earlier, but it can't be helped."

He grumbled a bit, still unhappy, but he nodded. They started the meeting when Hibari entered the room, arguing and discussing information. Mukuro told them of the so-called news about the Millefiore. They had a base in Japan that had contained Shoichi Irie not too far from here, and had found an opening. However, the first had to get through the other bases surrounding it.

"The building," he explained, using his illusions to show them, is protected by several other Millefiore bases set up around it, and is heavily manned. We'll need all we have to get through at this point."

They all looked towards Tsuna, who had been thinking. _'This really couldn't have been anymore perfect, could it?'_

He nodded, successfully forming a plan in his head.

"Alright. Gokudera, you and Lambo go to Russia and try to see if you can get any help from what remains of our allies there." They both looked at each other before nodding, their faces grim.

"Chrome, you and I-pin go take care of the rest of us. When we attack, they'll be sure to go after Mama and the rest." She nodded as well, making sure to pack some extra supplies for the two of them.

"Mukuro, keep doing what you have so far, see if you can get more information." He chuckled, the kanji in his eye changing.

"Hibari will go to find Dino, see if they can spare any men or boxes for the fight." He grunted, eyes rolling.

"I'll call Ryohei and tell him to check in with the Varia. Hopefully, they'll still be able to help us. Dismissed."

Lambo and Chrome stood up, leaving with the rest, none of them not noticing the look on their boss's face.

_Goodbye._

* * *

Takeshi looked out the window, bags under his eyes and his normally tan skin pale. He hadn't slept or eaten for days, remembering what he'd done. He'd been overtaken by grief and anger, not able to think straight. He had _yelled_ at Tsuna, _hurt_ him, and absolutely nothing could excuse that. He leaned against the glass, closing his eyes to the sound of rain against the cool window.

_Rain. I was supposed to be his Rain. I was supposed to wash away his pain, not drown him in it. I wasn't supposed to do that. Oh god, Tsuna. I was horrible. I don't deserve to know you. It wasn't your fault. I didn't mean it. _He could feel tears burning in his eyes, and let them flow freely.

_Tsuna. Tsuna. Tsuna. Tsuna. _

_I'm sorry._

_Then why don't you tell him that?_

He looked up, startled. His head swung around the room, searching for the face he knew came with that voice. "D-Dad?"

He could _feel _a smile appear on his Dad's face.

_Jeez, and I thought I'd raised my son to follow his heart. Tut, tut, tut._

He hid his face in his hands, his voice hoarse. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I-I _hurt_ him, Dad. Badly. I'm his best friend and I-"

_So apologize._

He lifted his face from his hands, confused and trembling. "What?"

He was sure of it now. There was an absolutely blinding smile on his face. He could almost see his father right in front of him, arms crossed, as he chuckled at his son's foolishness.

_Apologize. When you make a mistake, you fix it. You fix this one by saying sorry._

"I-I _can't _apologize to him, Dad. After what I did to him, there's no way I can just-" Again he was cut off.

_Can't just what? You really think you can't apologize to him? Takeshi, I didn't raise you to be someone who has other people clean up his mess because he's too afraid. Apologize. You're not a little kid anymore. You can fight for yourself and others and you can most certainly say sorry to someone who saved your life and mine. _

_Besides, I'm sure Tsunayoshi wouldn't mind at all. He is the sky after all. And the sky embraces all._

Takeshi looked up again after hearing that, and a long-gone grin appeared on his face for the first time in a while. "You're right. Then again, when weren't you?"

Standing up and stretching, he grinned widely, the light back in his eyes. He heard a laugh and a _whoosh_ before all was silent. "Now," he said, happiness pouring from his very soul, "I think I have a person to apologize to."

* * *

He had just finished adjusting his tie when his phone had rand loudly. He smiled softly as he bent down to pick it up. Tsuna had specially chosen each one of the Guardian's ring tones, including his own. Flipping the blue device open, he answered in a cheerful voice, "Hello?"

"_You fucking bastard where the fuck are you?!"_

His eyes widened, hearing the pain and anger in Hayato's voice.

"What's going on?! What happened?! Are you okay?! Are you hurt?! What about the others?! Are they fine?!" He spoke quickly, trying to calm himself down and reaching for his sword and his box weapons. He assembled everything he'd need in a few seconds, placing a few things into his storage box.

"_It's-It's the Ten-Tsuna. It's Tsuna. He's dead."_ His voice cracked at the last word, and grief poured into every word he spoke. Takeshi's eyes widened and he froze before he managed to find his voice.

"_**What?!"**_

"_He took the meeting with Byakuran. There was a sniper. He was shot straight through the heart. We-We didn't make it on time. Hibari was the first there. He said-"_ here he paused, almost as if he needed to collect the strength to say what he would have to next.

"_He said that he died with a smile on his face."_

Takeshi fell onto his bed, not able to understand what he was being told. Ts-Tsuna? His best friend, the person who saved his life, gave him a reason to look forward to the next day, the person who had so shyly smiled at him when they first met, the small kid whose innocence had been forced away from him, the boy whose smile made everything else seem to vanish. _Tsuna?_

He then focused on what he had said before, eyes narrowing in anger. "What do you mean you _weren't able to make it on time_?! Somebody should have been there with him! Why would you let him go in the first place?! You knew this would happen if you let him!"

"_Shut up! We were all sent out on missions far away. Hibari had been the closest, and God knows where you were! On that mission of yours he sent you on, no doubt, just like the rest of us! Goddamnit, does it look like we __**wanted **__this to happen?! Lambo and I-pin don't even know yet. How the fuck am I supposed to tell them? How the __**fucking**__ hell am I supposed to tell them that their big brother is gone, and there's nothing we can do about it. That he's never coming back."_

His voice broke again, and he could see the sadness on his friend's face, even without being there.

"_Just-Just come home, okay? We need everyone right now. Besides, we have to take care of the kids and arrange his funeral. He would've wanted us to stay together." _And with a click, he hung up.

Takeshi fell onto his back, the air _whooshing_ behind him. Realizing something, he laughed. He really was too kind for his own good.

A mission, huh? He hadn't told them what had happened that day. He wondered what his face must have been like when he left, when he had told them that their fellow Guardian had been on a mission, not sitting around while they fought for their lives, all because of one stupid mistake he had made. He hadn't protected his father, and he hadn't protected Tsuna.

_Oh god Tsuna. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. _

And he broke down.


End file.
